I’m feeling so tired. And yes, this is partly because I’ve spent the past two weeks working like a madwoman, steadily doing 13-hour days between school and online work, with a trip to DC in the middle. But my exhaustion has gone beyond regular physical and mental exhaustion, at this point. I’m dead tired of waking up every morning to read a damage report on the state of the U.S. I’m tired of opening my eyes each morning and remembering that our president is reminiscent of the villains in old TV shows and is likely leading the world to war. I’m tired of wondering, in my quiet moments, what I should do if bombs do start falling and I have to figure out how to connect with my love across the U.S. border, or my dad and brothers along the coast, or my mom, who travels frequently. And what about my friends and family members who are spread across the States? There was a time where I would’ve dismissed such thoughts as fear-mongering and silly. Not anymore. Every day, Donald Trump pushes us closer to that reality. You’d have to be willfully ignorant not to see it.
I’m considering taking a hiatus from the internet, but that’s unrealistic. For one, my work makes participation online a necessity. For two, it’s not as if hiding my head in the sand is going to make Trump go away. If anything, closing our eyes and covering our ears will only empower him further. We cannot afford to sit idly by while he destroys all that is good about America. When I hear that he’s closing our borders to all refugees who do not claim Christianity, my heart breaks and I am enraged. When I hear that he’s silencing our scientists and considering selling our national forests, I want to get back in the car and drive the nine hours to DC again to scream at his gates until he hears me. When I hear that he’s planning to build a wall along the border between the U.S. and Mexico, I’m torn between laughing at the stupidity of that idea and crying because so many Americans fell for it and will now have their money stolen to pay for it.
Americans are waking up, and it’s heartbreaking. I’m hearing people discuss what they’ll do if the situation escalates to a violent level. I’m hearing Trump supporters voicing fears and regrets. But worst of all, I’m hearing bickering, fighting, and Facebook squabbling over nonsense. Trump is waging an international war on reason, decency, humanity, and democracy. Should abortion really be our number one priority right now? Or should we be focusing on the humans who are already here and are endangered in very real ways by our global political situations? Should we really be focusing on how many more votes Hillary got? Or should we be finding ways to stand side by side to fight for peace, unity, and a progress that includes all Americans? We’re going to need to prioritize if we expect to make a change and keep a healthy future intact for the generations to come.
I don’t know what more to say. My soul feels heavy. I’m worried that the future I dream of will be destroyed by an old man with a spray tan. I’m worried that the mess he’s creating will be left for younger generations to pick up the pieces. I am deeply angry at some of my fellow Americans for allowing… no, encouraging, this to happen. But I am also so incredibly proud of the others that I see standing up against the outrage and demanding better. I do believe that we can either force him out or force him to listen to us. This is our country. These are our people. Sitting idly by is not an option.
Tonight I’ll rest and try not to let these thoughts rule my mind. I will seek peace and positivity. And when I wake tomorrow, I will read the news to see what new action of hate our president has committed. And I will fight those actions to the bitter end. What will you do?